August 2025 Newsletter: SPANKIN’ HOT UPDATE
It’s that time again, Spankrs! Grab your SpankStick and crack open a Dr. Poggers, we’ve got big news, secret lore, and possibly... your ideas added in game?
Release Date Shift: Just a Bit More Time!
We know delays can sting worse than a Spank on Spunk’s rear, but we’re officially pushing GlitchSPANKR’s launch to October 15th.
This wasn’t easy. We’ve been crunching seven days a week, adding new levels, polishing mechanics, hiding weird secrets, and stuffing in even more bonkers content. We’re confident the extra time means a better, bigger, and glitchier (in the good way) game. Thanks for sticking with us, it’s a lot of work for such a small team!
SPANKR HQ: A Complete Overhaul!
The old HQ in the Demo? Yeah, it was kinda sad. Just kinda there to find. But not anymore!
Introducing the new HQ! Collect SpankrShards by playing and breaking things. Use these to buy decor, expand and upgrade your HQ, and more! Your HQ grows alongside you, and will update as you make memories and meet new friends. There may even be a few secrets to find as you expand your new home!
New Secrets, New Lore
- Golden Spankrs full of cash
- New types of collectables for your SpankStick (accessories!)
- Secret levels to discover, hidden beneath the code
- A whole new lore system scattered throughout the game
We’ve been adding heaps of content to find and ways to discover the true story behind GlitchSPANKR.
Questions you might finally answer (not a guarantee* nor legally binding):
- How did Big Booty Slapper 6 get infected?
- Why is there a sentient virus?
- What dark secrets are there to discover?
- Will Spunk ever find true love?
- What’s even going on?
- Who is FATHER?
- Why is Spunk a toilet?
- What even is Spunk?
- Did Spunk leave the oven on? Oh crap I can’t remember!
Nathan Barnatt (aka Dad from YouTube) as Luthereon!
We’re beyond stoked to announce that Nathan Barnatt, master of weird internet dads and one of our comedy heroes, is voicing Luthereon, the fragmented digital ghost guiding you through GlitchSPANKR’s deepest layers.
We’d love to speak more on this mysterious Luthereon person, but we’ll leave it to you to discover this new main character!
Big Creators Are Playing GlitchSPANKR!
Things are heating up! Some of our all-time favorite creators have started playing early builds of the game, and they’re loving the weirdness:
- YOGSCAST
- Real Civil Engineer
- Drae
Watching these folks having fun and reacting to all the new content is genuinely surreal.
If you have a favorite creator you’d love to see dive into GlitchSPANKR, tell them to hit us up, we're sending out prerelease builds now!
Personal Note from Kyle, the game creator:
It has been my personal dream for Drae to play one of my games since I started game dev 10 years ago, so it was a shock when he reached out to us. Now I’m hoping for some of my other favorites to play the game, like the Game Grumps, or Call me Kevin. It’s hard to describe the joy of watching people you’ve enjoyed for years playing art you made.
Thank you to everyone supporting us and helping a genuine dream come true!
YOU Choose the Next LOOT Code
No code this month... because we want you to help decide what it is!
We’re building out the new HQ decor system, and it’s the perfect time to give YOU control. Vote on what kind of starter loot you’d want to unlock at launch: SpankStick bling, unique furniture, cursed vibes, in-game Spunk plushie? You can even offer your own ideas!
The top results will appear in the next newsletter with a working loot code, ready for Day One redemption. There will still be loot code drops after launch as we add more content and polish as well, this won’t be the end!
As Always, Thanks for Being Here
This game is made with heart, laughter, late nights, and way too many booty jokes. Thanks for being a part of it. It’s because of you that this is even possible!
Spank you very much,
— TheClassifiedX Team
